last summer, york and i went on our first real road trip together. it took us almost two weeks, we headed north, hit several coastal cities, and visited portland, seattle, victoria, vancouver and crater lake. i've been slowly culling through the photos from our trip—i know! i'm terribly inefficient these days—which i will be sharing over the next few posts. :)

okay, so i'm actually a tad further along, since i've fallen behind on these photos and updates, but not by much.

we are in the home stretch! our friends are throwing us a baby shower in a couple of weeks, and i expect that i'll be jumping into full nesting mode come june. third trimester brings new joys—a [very] respectable baby bump, and strong, consistent and reassuring baby's kicks—as well as [many, many] discomforts, but i'm happy to have made it this far and, relatively speaking, i am feeling pretty good.

with just two months left, york and i have taken a childbirth class, hospital tour, gotten vacations out of the way, now, we're just waiting for little boba to arrive! :)

sometimes i can't believe how lucky i am to have the people i do in my life.

michelle, my best friend since high school, has been living in new york for years, working on her phd. this year, she just happened to be taking some time off from school and spending her time on the west coast nearby. it's been great to have her around throughout my pregnancy and she's been incredibly supportive. recently, she suggested we take a mini vacation somewhere, like a babymoon of sorts [except without the husband :p], before it becomes too difficult for me to travel.

we chose portland, because, as soon as i hit the third trimester, walking became a bit more difficult, and visiting a smaller, nearby city appealed to me much more than a long flight to a big city, i.e. new york, chicago, or even seattle. we spent two nights at the ace hotel downtown and our entire trip was planned around food. it was a brief, but wonderful trip, and i'm grateful for the opportunity to spend a little bit of quality time with my best friend before the baby arrives, because, well, who knows when we'll be able to do this again? the trip went by soooo quickly! walking and dining about town. sipping coffee. sitting around and chatting for hours. needless to say, it was a great time.

we are so blessed to be surrounded by so many good friends and family constantly offering their support and company as we wait for the arrival of this little one. :)

i've been feeling boba kicks! i first noticed them a few weeks ago and they've been getting stronger with each week, sometimes waking me up at night. i'm sure i'll beg for more sleep later, but for now, it's reassuring to finally be able to feel him move.

i'm definitely 'showing' now! for a while it felt like i never would.

finally looking pregnant makes dressing myself that much easier. you won't believe how much of a relief this is! since the start of this pregnancy, i was determined to avoid maternity clothes for as long as i could—york and i share a small closet, i was reluctant to make room for clothes i can only wear for a few months. but even before my belly popped out, my body was changing, my waist expanding. figuring out what to wear during early pregnancy proved to be a challenge. i had to get creative with my regular clothes, with little tips and tricks like this one.

despite my earlier attempt to avoid maternity wear, i find myself slowly acquiring pieces here and there, as my regular clothes become less comfortable. as boba hits one growth spurt after another, and pushes my belly further outwards, things sure are getting a little bit tight around here! last week, i finally caved and purchased my first pair of maternity jeans. they are so comfortable! now i wish i had gotten them a few weeks earlier.

my advice for other pregnant women in those early weeks? get a few pieces at a time to help you wear your regular clothes. for me that meant a couple of tank tops, plain tees, and leggings, all of which can be layered with non-maternity clothes—as you grow you may need to get larger sizes, so it's best to get fewer pieces at different stages of your pregnancy, instead of a whole new wardrobe all at once. and don't forget to add jeans to this list, they go with everything!

here are some of my favorite places to shop for maternity wear:
-h&m [yes! the larger stores have a maternity section]
-gap/old navy
-motherhood maternity
-asos
-love21 maternity

oftentimes, my favorite photos from the family sessions are the outtakes. the ones the families probably won't select to print as a holiday card. the the candid photos, where no one is posing for the camera. the ones that clearly describe the love they have for one another.

during this session, the baby was unhappy, with a slight fever, and when we tried to get him to sit alone for a shot, he started crying. how sweet was it that his big brother ran over to sit down next to him and comfort him and give him a kiss?

it’s a BOY!!

i had my 20-week ultrasound last week and, instead of finding out at the clinic, we told the ultrasound tech that we'd like to find out later. she kindly asked us to turn our heads away when she was checking *ahem* down there, and she printed and placed that sonogram separately in an envelope for us to take home.

the next night, we had some of our close friends over for dinner and opened the envelope in front of them!

york had guessed it would be a girl, and i always thought my firstborn would be a girl, but somehow, in the past few weeks, i had this incredible feeling that it was going to be a boy. a mother knows her baby, right? :p

either way, we couldn't be happier!

looking back at the photos from week 14, i almost looked bigger a month ago!

i haven't gained much weight, and the doctor has mentioned this at the last couple of visits, but she didn't seem terribly concerned, i've just been told to eat more. i would prefer to look more pregnant when i am almost halfway through the pregnancy. [!!!] last weekend, i started prenatal yoga, and i swear the other women in the class were eyeing me, wondering if i'd walked into the wrong class, because i just didn't look very pregnant.

it is, however, nice [and a relief] to note that, at 18 weeks, this is the best i've felt since the start of this pregnancy. no morning sickness, no headaches, and way more energy. i can feel my back starting to arch and that my belly is certainly bigger, even if it's not obvious to the world. i've started to feel a little bit of movement, but it's hard to be certain if it's the baby, or if i'm just hungry. ;)

and...in two weeks, we find out if boba is a boy or girl!!

[digital, vsco film 03]

york and i went to piedmont park for a walk earlier this winter to scout out the location for a family shoot.

i processed these photos using vsco film 03. my editing style has changed over time. i definitely went through a phase earlier where i over-edited every photo, sometimes to make up for poor lighting/focus, sometimes just because i didn't know any better. but lately, i've settled down to a more specific style­—i prefer photos that are processed carefully to look like they weren't, and less like the apocalypse [eek!]. so, the new vsco film pack may be a bit less subtle than my taste for client shoots. but i do think they are fun for personal shots like these.

just before christmas, we took a trip to north lake tahoe with some friends. we rented a nice cabin by carnelian bay and spent a few days playing in the snow with our friends' adorable kids.

i was feeling pretty ill and tired at the time [cursing morning sickness], so i didn't take many photos. even after filtering out all the bad shots, i still didn't end up with great photos. now, i struggle with this very often now, do i share photos on my blog that i'm not 100% proud of? or do i only share my best work, i.e. something that can go into a portfolio? in the end, i had to remind myself, this journal isn't about showcasing my best work, it's about documenting my progress. i struggle to take photos in poor lighting conditions, and i struggle with focusing in the snow and rain. i think it's something important to make note of, so i can learn and improve.

so here they are, photos from our trip, which was quite fun, despite my photography woes.

i just purchased vsco film 03 and was very excited to test it on these photos. i'm really loving all the fuji [instant] film emulations and the control and variety built into this pack. i prefer to use the same film for one set of photos, kinda like the way you would when shooting with real film. based on the light and situation, i would pick a film, or two, and shoot a whole set of photos with it. for this set, i chose the fuji fp-100c, my favorite after trying out all the different films. i'm looking forward to editing more photos with these new films/presets.

i know my recap of 2012 was less than upbeat, but now i have some news that might brighten things up a bit around here.

that's right, a new baby! we are overjoyed. :)

i know, i shoulda said something sooner, but it was important to me to keep the two updates completely separate. i guess i was also feeling a bit superstitious and wanted to wait until the second trimester to share the news. i am 14 weeks today, and our little boba is doing great!

i decided to do a weekly maternity series, starting at week 8. my goodness, it was difficult in the beginning to get up in the morning to take these photos, while battling morning sickness, which by the way should be called 'the-whole-freaking-day' sickness. and disappointingly, week after week, there was no bump, so i switched to doing bi-weekly photos. that is, until this week...i finally got a noticeable bump! okay, after doing some research online, my bump looks a bit high, so it might just be bloat, but boy, i look pregnant today, for a change. ;)

the november artful party was all about making holiday crafts. since it's hard to narrow holiday craft ideas down to one, we printed several tutorials and brought various materials we've accumulated from past craft parties, which allowed people to choose their own craft, from cards, stockings, to ornaments, anything they wanted.

it was great to see friends before the holiday madness took over, with good food, sparkling wine and small gift exchanges. :)

hello. it's a been a long time. 2013 crept up on me so quickly and quietly, i can hardly believe a third of january is gone.

so far this winter, i've been pretty ill, and spent the majority of it buried under layers of blankets and sweaters. the time off gave me a moment to reflect on the past year. a little soul searching made me feel productive.

in december, york and i quietly mourned the due date of our angel baby, ava. [yes, i decided she was a girl, and i named her.] there was no announcement, because we knew most people wouldn't understand why we chose to hold on. grieving this loss has left me feeling terribly lonely. in my search for clues that i'm not completely crazy, i found this article—this woman describes her losses and her feelings so much better than i could—which makes my eyes well up every time. the day we were supposed to hold ava in our arms came and went. and we stayed surprisingly positive, and...relieved, maybe? like the cycle is complete. [great, now i'm getting references in my head that do not fit.] i was quite grateful that, through the sadness and tears, we had each other. things that used to worry us on a daily basis mattered so little now. loss and pain have a way of redefining priorities for you.

the holidays were filled with small, intimate dinner parties with friends, which was exactly what i needed. we've also managed to squeeze in a trip to the snow.

this year...

i've been trying to get caught up on all the blogs i subscribe to, and came across emily henderson's post on her 2013 resolutions. emily's style of writing is honest, witty, and always upbeat. she's inspired me to make a promise to myself to be more true and open about my own thoughts/feelings. to stop buttering up reality, or tucking it away, and replacing it with pretend optimism. there have been so many days in the past year where i felt awful, but i'd carefully set aside my feelings and tell the world i was fine, to appear 'strong.' the truth is, it does nothing for me, except bottling up that pain makes it more potent, and stifles healing. this doesn't mean turning my blog into a sappy pity pool. i just think it's important to accept reality in order to sustain honest, sincere hope. quoting emily, 'yes, it was totally sad but it just could have been so much worse.'

that about sums up my 2012.

now, is it too late to talk resolutions, three weeks into 2013? i really only have one—to have less fear. this applies to life, photography. everything.

recently, i was approached by isabelle at herb & lace for an interview, to talk about my photography. in order to respond to her questions, i had to really look back and think about my process, the experiences that brought me to this point. when it came time to give advice, i encouraged people to go out there embrace their passion and its uncertainties! but what's been gnawing at me is, i haven't always taken my own advice. truth is, i turn down shoots when i don't feel completely confident. and, to this day, i still have trouble taking myself seriously as a photographer. people would ask what it is i do for a living and i'd respond in a mousy little voice, 'i'm...kinda, sorta trying to get into photography, just a little bit...'

wimp, right? so, i hope to leave that behind. and really stick to my words. make some mistakes, take a few more risks, bad photos even. there's so much more to learn and i've been getting in my own way. yup. and it's stopping n-o-w.

lastly, i'd like to wish you all a [very belated] wonderful new year. i hope you're all staying healthy despite this nasty flu season. :)

each year, york and i try to hand-make our holiday cards. they're usually very simple and quick diy projects.

i've been wanting to do something with my iphone photos for a loooong time. i thought about selling them as prints, making them into cards. just something, with paper. and a little bit of design.

after browsing etsy and pinterest for months, i got the idea of making them into photo calendars to decorate the wall in my office, and i thought, wow, this is a great use for them, we need to share them with people!

so...this year, instead of a card, we are sending our close friends and family...a photo calendar—photos AND design by yours truly! 

what's great about these is that they are printed on photo paper and left unbound. when the month is over,  you can simply trim the bottom and keep the photograph. i just LOVE the idea that it serves more than one purpose. hopefully, our friends/family will enjoy them as much as i did making them.

p.s. the glitter twine used to tie the pages together is from knot & bow, one of my favorite etsy shops, you should totally check out the shop if you haven't already. also, we'll know in a few days when we're done putting these together, but we just might have a couple of extras to give away. :)

i mentioned before that i was planning some changes in my life. well, about two months ago, i came to the decision to quit architecture and pursue photography full-time. yes! i am so, very, excited!

in the past weeks, i've been planning and working on a few ideas/projects. for one, i've selected some of my favorite photos to make into prints, they are now available for purchase in my etsy shop!

pear+apricot on etsy

this is just the first step, there's so much more i want to do in the months to come.

.......................................

despite quitting my architecture job almost two years ago, i've still kept one foot in the industry, accepting projects and continuing to study for licensing exams. i honestly appreciated the design aspect, but really struggled with everything else about the business. and architecture was starting to drain me. i wrestled with the idea of letting it go completely, but could never come to terms with the idea of throwing away my education and years worth of work experience.

york and i went through a devastating loss earlier this year, and i was thoroughly crushed. during that time, i began to go back and reassess my life, and think about what matters most to me.

i've been an artist since i was very young. according to my mother, i was making drawings before i could speak. i think she's just being sweet. but, there was never any doubt that, no matter what i did with my life, i needed to be creative. always.

i'm not sure when it happened, perhaps after getting my first set of 'good' photos back. or after the initial struggle with learning the craft itself. there was a point when i realized, through photography, i can express myself as an artist and creatively, in a way that i wasn't always able to with architecture. and for some time now, every time i picked up a camera, i knew,

this is what i want to do.

the first time i said it out loud, it just clicked. i know it seems like such a tiny step into the world of photography, but coming to this decision was really big for me. i am treading on unfamiliar grounds.

i still have a long way to go. plans that i need to carry out. and i am super excited! and maybe a little bit scared. so...wish me luck!

i'm back! sort of. i've been soooo busy. with the holiday season creeping up, i've been asked to do several family portrait sessions, just in time for holiday cards i suppose. there's still a lot to do, i promise i'll let you in on what i've been up to once i have a moment to breathe and update!

for now, i'll share with you a few photos from the last family portrait session i did. this family was a pleasure to shoot. i've known them for years—i used to work with john [what feels like ages ago] at an architecture office—and it was an honor to be asked to take their portraits. we met up one saturday afternoon at lovers' lane in the presidio, san francisco. the sun was about to set, we had maybe an hour left, and little lucy came into the park searching for princesses, she was just adorable.

these shoots often stress me out. by these shoots i mean with people other than york and locations and times other than my favorite photo spots during golden hour. i find myself frantically try to adjust to various lighting conditions that i'm not used to. trying to get the best shot possible while staying true to my style—shooting with natural, available light. but i am learning so much, and i am so grateful towards all the friends and family who have asked me to take their photos, for giving me so many opportunities to practice and learn. thank you all for being my test subjects! ;)

i did this shoot two weekends ago for our cousin mary, her husband jason, and their adorable, precious 5-month old daughter, samantha. [mary is york's cousin, but i always refer to her as mine as well because we both love her so much, she actually married us.]

the shoot took place in santa monica, in york's parents' home. with amazing luck, i found a couple of rooms with large windows, sheer curtains, white walls, and wonderful, afternoon light pouring in and bouncing around. and this lovely family made my job so easy. i had so much fun. :)

have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

for those of you who follow me on instagram, you may have noticed my 'laundry day' series. those sliding doors in our bedroom let in so much light—beautiful, changing light—the scene just draws me in. almost impossible not to snap a photo.

well, there's a story behind laundry day. it's something almost ritualistic for me, picked up while living abroad in japan. with every piece of fabric i hang up, a sense of nostalgia is attached.

but like every ritual performed over and over, some meanings get lost. what used to draw a bittersweet longing for the past, is now just part of my everyday. almost mundane. unexciting.

photography has kept this series alive. and preserved a bit of history for me. putting up a new photo almost always sends me back to read the older posts, and reminisce.

music: 幸せになろうby utada hikaru